Hope. In Jeremiah 29:11 the Lord declares that he will give me hope and a future. In scripture, hope means “a strong and confident expectation.”
As I was reflecting over 2015, and planning for 2016, I found that I
have lost my hope. I have lost my hope in a future. I have lost my hope
in the dreams I once had. I have even lost my hope in possibilities. I
have lost my hope that “things” will ever be better than they are right
now. I have lost my hope.
For 2016, I am dedicating myself to spending more time in
relationship with God and studying His word. As I spend more time with
Him, I am starting to see things more clearly and how all this has
happened. It is all very simple, really, how I became hopeless, or
without hope.
I had put all my hope in the world. I depended a lot on what people
said. I put a lot of weight on what people thought of me. I cared way
too much about how I was perceived by others. I based my entire identity
on who the world thought I was. Or to be more precise, on whom I
thought the world wanted me to be. And over and over again, the world
let me down. Yet, I felt like I repeatedly let everyone in the world
down.
Throughout this blog, I will mention that for years I knew God. The
reality is I knew who God was/is. But I didn’t have a relationship with
Him. The funny thing is, as it turns out, you don’t really ever know
that you don’t KNOW God, until you really KNOW God. I hope the person
who needs to understand what I am saying gets this concept.
In my studies, I am learning that the only thing true and constant is
Jesus Christ. I want my hope to be found in what is true. And I
definitely want my hope to be constant. It would only make sense that I
would find my hope in the Lord.
So, you may be wondering, what am I doing to get my hope back?
First, I am seeking God
Jeremiah 29:13 tells us, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”
When I put my hope in Jesus, it is pretty easy to seek him with all of
my heart. When I am truly tuning in to what the Holy Spirit is trying to
say to me, I am amazed at what I hear. God’s living word is on paper
for every living soul to read, and get a glimpse of his love for us.
Daily, I am seeking God. I talk to him. I sing to him. We laugh
together… mostly at me. We are in a valuable relationship, so we
communicate.
Next, I am surrounding myself with Godly relationships
I am certain, that you say as much as I do, “I don’t have time for
that,” or “I’m too busy.” We all are. It’s the worldly way. If you are
not too busy and over committed then you must be lazy, right? I have
found that, until I can get less busy and stop over committing, that the
best thing to do is find like-minded people. I look for the other
parents that I know are Christians at the football game. I sit with the
ladies from bible study at the swim meets. Sometimes you have to just
start small. Simply change who you are hanging out with!
If you can’t do that, just change the conversation. Decided you won’t participate in a negative conversation! Hebrews 3:13
tells us to “encourage one another daily, as long as it is called
Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.”
In one of my very worst tribulations, I committed myself to not
participate in negative conversations with my neighbor. I knew that if i
did, it would almost be a contest of who could complain the most about
how bad our messes were. It was the very best thing I could do! You know
why? Because it was contagious! Instead of out doing each other on how
big our mess was, we talked about how great our God was, and that in the
midst of our mess, God was there and we could see him working.
Hebrews 10:24
tells us to “consider how we may spur one another on toward love and
good deeds.” And positive conversations that help us realize how good
God is, even in our trials and messes, do just that!
Finally, I won’t give up
Hebrews 10:23 says, “Let us hold unswerving to the hope
we profess, for he who promised is faithful.” I believe God’s promises.
And he promised in Jeremiah 29:11 to give me “hope and
a future.” I know that a life without hope is not the life that God has
planned for me. I believe that this is only a valley, and the Lord is
leading me through this valley. And I know beyond any doubt that this
valley is not my destination and that my journey is not near over.
We don’t’ have to just keep our heads above water. We were created for so much more! Romans 12:12
says, “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in
prayer.” So seek God, be patient and surround yourself with the right
people, and don’t give up. Hope for hope!
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
Thursday, February 4, 2016
Tips for buying Health Insurance on Healthcare.gov
Health insurance for a family of five can be tricky. But for the
last three years, we have purchased our health insurance on “The
Exchange.” My husband is employed with a small company that is not
required to offer health insurance, and I am a stay at home mom, so
while we both enjoy many benefits that both of our jobs offer, health
insurance it not one of them. Each fall, it is part of my job
description to research and find health insurance that best fits our
family. This is by no means an easy task. As a matter of fact, it seems
more difficult each year.
For the calendar year of 2015, I was able to find a wonderful health insurance broker to answer the thousands of questions that I had at the time. We ended up with an amazing Blue Cross Blue Shield PPO policy for our family of 5. I learned a lot from this broker during our hours of phone calls researching these policies. We finally decided on a policy that cost our family $797 each month.
For our family, that is a large amount of our monthly income. However, there are two factors that play a big role in our health care decisions each year. First, our government, in their infinite wisdom, has mandated that we have health insurance. Second, I have two kids who have auto-immune diseases, and without health insurance, we would be bankrupt in less than six-months.
As we approached the end of 2015, we received notice that BCBS would not be offering PPO policies except through business/employers any longer. We were really disheartened by this decision. This was really good health insurance. We had everything set up with all our doctors, pharmacies and labs. Additionally, it meant that we would have to go back to through the research and shopping process once again.
As with most people who have shopped for health insurance on The Exchange (this term is used by medical office staff, but is what I refer to as healthcare.gov ), I was not impressed with anything about the process. The website it’s self is frustrating and not on the top of the User Friendly Site list. None the less, I updated our family information and pulled up several policies.
What I found from the 21 policies offered to us was that BCBS was not the only company pulling out of the PPO market. There were NO PPOs on our list. Because we see so many doctors, HMO policies are not an option for us, but HMOs and EPOs were our only options. I had never even heard of an EPO before, so I was a little leery of what it could be.
Upon further research, I found that EPO stands for “Exclusive Provider Organization” plan. As a member of an EPO, you can use the doctors and hospitals within the EPO network, but cannot go outside the network for care. There are no out-of-network benefits. It is a kind of hybrid between the PPO and HMO. You don’t have to get a referral to see another doctor within the network like you would with an HMO. But i f you go outside of the network you are on your own.
I can share the following steps that I processed through in my search for new health insurance for our family. I hope some of my experience will help some of you make the best choice for your family.
1. Clear the clutter
Not every policy will fit your family. Decide what fits your family’s needs.
• What can your family afford to pay in monthly premiums? On the exchange, you will have a huge range of pricing for your family. Know your budget. Many policies have the same overall benefits, but may be cheaper monthly because your deductible is really big. The opposite holds true that they may be really high monthly, but the deductible will be much less. Depending on your situation, financially and physically, you can start by deleting policies that are outside of your budget. I have found the “silver” policies to be middle of the road, but I look at them all to make sure I know what my options are.
• Do you want an HMO, EPO or PPO? Make sure you know what each of these means. This is a crucial part of selecting a plan for your family.
• What types of deductible to you want to pay? This is what is going to come out of your pocket. Sometimes it all has to be paid before any of your benefits kick in. Sometimes it calculates throughout the year. (The year my first son was diagnosed we more than met our deductible. I knew I needed a hysterectomy in the next few years, so we did it that year and only had to pay a few thousand dollars of the $74,000 surgery and hospital stay.)
• Do you need a few office visits or unlimited?
• What types of office visit co-pays work for your family? You will want to consider the copay for office visits. If you think you will have many, then lower office visit costs may be for you?
• Do you need prescription coverage?
Knowing the answer to these questions will help you narrow down the search field and focus your time on actually finding a policy that works. You can usually make these determinations by simply looking at the general descriptions in the initial listings.
2. Start dissecting each policy.
This is a tedious task, mostly because you will need to open several documents. The good news is that if you are looking at several policies from the same company, you will only have to open their documents in one of the policies because, the bones of the policies are generally all the same. For example, if I have 2 policies from Aetna, all of their documents are going to be the same.
• Are your Doctors on this policy? I am a pretty organized gal, so I make a list of all of our doctors – general, pediatrician, dermatologist, gynecologist, hospital of preference, breast exams, labs, etc. – and verify everyone I am not willing to give up is covered by each company.
• Review Summary of Benefits Document. This tells you what is covered and what is not. If you know that your family is typically heavy in one area (I have 3 very active boys, so emergency room visits, for example) then make sure you have a clear understanding of what is covered and when. Do you have to meet your deductible first? Is the event fully covered or is there a co-pay? Is there a split, such as they pay 70% and you pay 30%?
• Are your prescriptions covered? This is a huge essential for us. If you don’t use many prescriptions, it may not be a big deal. My two kids with the auto-immune disease take weekly injections that keep them able to walk. Without insurance, the drug would cost $3,200 per month, per child. Obviously, this drug being covered is essential. I keep a running list of all the prescriptions we are all on and I am able to look at each companies list of covered meds. The Summary of Benefits tells you how much each “Tier” drug will cost you. Tier is just a fancy term for level 1, level 2, level 3, level 4 and level 5.
Whatever your BIG medical need is, I would advise you to do your research on this part. Call the companies and ask questions. Honestly, your family deserves the best coverage you can get for the money, and you may spend a lot of time on this part, but in the end it will prove to be well worth it.
3. Calculate it out.
Once you have your policies narrowed down to two or three that work with your doctors, cover your procedures and will pay for your prescriptions, calculate out what your year looked like this year. These examples are not all encompassing, but are intended to help you get your brain thinking about things and how to break it down.
• Let’s say you have a two of small kids and you may have been at the doctor 12 times with each one. Half of that time you many have needed a prescription. And they had a couple of x-rays because you were worried about one of them having Pneumonia.
• On Plan 1 you have $20 office visits, $15 generic prescriptions and a 30% co-pay on x-rays. We will say that the x-rays cost you $110 each just for grins.
o Office Visits – $20×24= $480
o RX – $15×12= $180
o X-rays – $110×2= $220
o Monthly premium – $557×12= $6,684
o Annual Total = $7,564
• On Plan 2 you have $5 office visits, $4 generic prescriptions and the same 30% co-pay on x-rays
o Office Visits – $5×24= $120
o Rx – $4×12= $48
o X-rays – $110×2= $220
o Monthly premium – $680×12= $8,160
o Annual total = $8,548
You will have to figure out for yourself is the actual cost difference is worth it. Sometimes it is a lot easier to spend just a little all month long and have just one bigger bill. In most cases, the differences will be greater and the decision will be much more obvious according to your family’s needs. When I think I have made a decision, I go over it with my mom or my husband. It helps to talk it out with someone and make sure you are not forgetting something important.
4. Pull the trigger
Once you have a decision you will want to enroll. The system will ask you for your first month’s premium. I’ll be honest; we were paying $797 last year with BCBS, and enrolled with Aetna for $577 a month for 2016. In December, as we prepared for Christmas, we did not have an extra $577 to send the new company.
I did start receiving letters stating that we had until late January to make the first payment and secure the policy. I also received a couple of reminder calls to pay our premium. After receiving the 2nd or 3rd recorded call from Aetna, I called them to find out what was going on. Keep in mind, all this was going on between the 1st and the 8th of January when we made our first premium payment.
It does seem like it is all about the money from the get-go with Aetna. They contacted us numerous times from the 1st to the 8th. When I made my payment on the 8th, I was told that there was no policy number for me yet and that it would take about a week to generate and I could possibly call in 72 hours to have a policy number expedited. Basically, what they were saying is that until I had made payment they were not doing squat, and then I needed to wait on them. Yes, my coverage started on the first, but if I needed to use my policy before Aetna got around to everything I would have to pay out of pocket and jump through their hoops of filing it myself.
It is a lot of work to decide on the correct health insurance for your family. It is even more work to change insurance companies altogether. However, I think that is what most companies count on. BCBS had our “new” policy cards in our hands prior to the end of the year. They were graciously changing us to an HMO – same price, but much less convenient for us. Frankly, I am not looking forward to the process again in 11 months, but it is a necessary evil.
For the calendar year of 2015, I was able to find a wonderful health insurance broker to answer the thousands of questions that I had at the time. We ended up with an amazing Blue Cross Blue Shield PPO policy for our family of 5. I learned a lot from this broker during our hours of phone calls researching these policies. We finally decided on a policy that cost our family $797 each month.
For our family, that is a large amount of our monthly income. However, there are two factors that play a big role in our health care decisions each year. First, our government, in their infinite wisdom, has mandated that we have health insurance. Second, I have two kids who have auto-immune diseases, and without health insurance, we would be bankrupt in less than six-months.
As we approached the end of 2015, we received notice that BCBS would not be offering PPO policies except through business/employers any longer. We were really disheartened by this decision. This was really good health insurance. We had everything set up with all our doctors, pharmacies and labs. Additionally, it meant that we would have to go back to through the research and shopping process once again.
As with most people who have shopped for health insurance on The Exchange (this term is used by medical office staff, but is what I refer to as healthcare.gov ), I was not impressed with anything about the process. The website it’s self is frustrating and not on the top of the User Friendly Site list. None the less, I updated our family information and pulled up several policies.
What I found from the 21 policies offered to us was that BCBS was not the only company pulling out of the PPO market. There were NO PPOs on our list. Because we see so many doctors, HMO policies are not an option for us, but HMOs and EPOs were our only options. I had never even heard of an EPO before, so I was a little leery of what it could be.
Upon further research, I found that EPO stands for “Exclusive Provider Organization” plan. As a member of an EPO, you can use the doctors and hospitals within the EPO network, but cannot go outside the network for care. There are no out-of-network benefits. It is a kind of hybrid between the PPO and HMO. You don’t have to get a referral to see another doctor within the network like you would with an HMO. But i f you go outside of the network you are on your own.
I can share the following steps that I processed through in my search for new health insurance for our family. I hope some of my experience will help some of you make the best choice for your family.
1. Clear the clutter
Not every policy will fit your family. Decide what fits your family’s needs.
• What can your family afford to pay in monthly premiums? On the exchange, you will have a huge range of pricing for your family. Know your budget. Many policies have the same overall benefits, but may be cheaper monthly because your deductible is really big. The opposite holds true that they may be really high monthly, but the deductible will be much less. Depending on your situation, financially and physically, you can start by deleting policies that are outside of your budget. I have found the “silver” policies to be middle of the road, but I look at them all to make sure I know what my options are.
• Do you want an HMO, EPO or PPO? Make sure you know what each of these means. This is a crucial part of selecting a plan for your family.
• What types of deductible to you want to pay? This is what is going to come out of your pocket. Sometimes it all has to be paid before any of your benefits kick in. Sometimes it calculates throughout the year. (The year my first son was diagnosed we more than met our deductible. I knew I needed a hysterectomy in the next few years, so we did it that year and only had to pay a few thousand dollars of the $74,000 surgery and hospital stay.)
• Do you need a few office visits or unlimited?
• What types of office visit co-pays work for your family? You will want to consider the copay for office visits. If you think you will have many, then lower office visit costs may be for you?
• Do you need prescription coverage?
Knowing the answer to these questions will help you narrow down the search field and focus your time on actually finding a policy that works. You can usually make these determinations by simply looking at the general descriptions in the initial listings.
2. Start dissecting each policy.
This is a tedious task, mostly because you will need to open several documents. The good news is that if you are looking at several policies from the same company, you will only have to open their documents in one of the policies because, the bones of the policies are generally all the same. For example, if I have 2 policies from Aetna, all of their documents are going to be the same.
• Are your Doctors on this policy? I am a pretty organized gal, so I make a list of all of our doctors – general, pediatrician, dermatologist, gynecologist, hospital of preference, breast exams, labs, etc. – and verify everyone I am not willing to give up is covered by each company.
• Review Summary of Benefits Document. This tells you what is covered and what is not. If you know that your family is typically heavy in one area (I have 3 very active boys, so emergency room visits, for example) then make sure you have a clear understanding of what is covered and when. Do you have to meet your deductible first? Is the event fully covered or is there a co-pay? Is there a split, such as they pay 70% and you pay 30%?
• Are your prescriptions covered? This is a huge essential for us. If you don’t use many prescriptions, it may not be a big deal. My two kids with the auto-immune disease take weekly injections that keep them able to walk. Without insurance, the drug would cost $3,200 per month, per child. Obviously, this drug being covered is essential. I keep a running list of all the prescriptions we are all on and I am able to look at each companies list of covered meds. The Summary of Benefits tells you how much each “Tier” drug will cost you. Tier is just a fancy term for level 1, level 2, level 3, level 4 and level 5.
Whatever your BIG medical need is, I would advise you to do your research on this part. Call the companies and ask questions. Honestly, your family deserves the best coverage you can get for the money, and you may spend a lot of time on this part, but in the end it will prove to be well worth it.
3. Calculate it out.
Once you have your policies narrowed down to two or three that work with your doctors, cover your procedures and will pay for your prescriptions, calculate out what your year looked like this year. These examples are not all encompassing, but are intended to help you get your brain thinking about things and how to break it down.
• Let’s say you have a two of small kids and you may have been at the doctor 12 times with each one. Half of that time you many have needed a prescription. And they had a couple of x-rays because you were worried about one of them having Pneumonia.
• On Plan 1 you have $20 office visits, $15 generic prescriptions and a 30% co-pay on x-rays. We will say that the x-rays cost you $110 each just for grins.
o Office Visits – $20×24= $480
o RX – $15×12= $180
o X-rays – $110×2= $220
o Monthly premium – $557×12= $6,684
o Annual Total = $7,564
• On Plan 2 you have $5 office visits, $4 generic prescriptions and the same 30% co-pay on x-rays
o Office Visits – $5×24= $120
o Rx – $4×12= $48
o X-rays – $110×2= $220
o Monthly premium – $680×12= $8,160
o Annual total = $8,548
You will have to figure out for yourself is the actual cost difference is worth it. Sometimes it is a lot easier to spend just a little all month long and have just one bigger bill. In most cases, the differences will be greater and the decision will be much more obvious according to your family’s needs. When I think I have made a decision, I go over it with my mom or my husband. It helps to talk it out with someone and make sure you are not forgetting something important.
4. Pull the trigger
Once you have a decision you will want to enroll. The system will ask you for your first month’s premium. I’ll be honest; we were paying $797 last year with BCBS, and enrolled with Aetna for $577 a month for 2016. In December, as we prepared for Christmas, we did not have an extra $577 to send the new company.
I did start receiving letters stating that we had until late January to make the first payment and secure the policy. I also received a couple of reminder calls to pay our premium. After receiving the 2nd or 3rd recorded call from Aetna, I called them to find out what was going on. Keep in mind, all this was going on between the 1st and the 8th of January when we made our first premium payment.
It does seem like it is all about the money from the get-go with Aetna. They contacted us numerous times from the 1st to the 8th. When I made my payment on the 8th, I was told that there was no policy number for me yet and that it would take about a week to generate and I could possibly call in 72 hours to have a policy number expedited. Basically, what they were saying is that until I had made payment they were not doing squat, and then I needed to wait on them. Yes, my coverage started on the first, but if I needed to use my policy before Aetna got around to everything I would have to pay out of pocket and jump through their hoops of filing it myself.
It is a lot of work to decide on the correct health insurance for your family. It is even more work to change insurance companies altogether. However, I think that is what most companies count on. BCBS had our “new” policy cards in our hands prior to the end of the year. They were graciously changing us to an HMO – same price, but much less convenient for us. Frankly, I am not looking forward to the process again in 11 months, but it is a necessary evil.
Tuesday, February 2, 2016
Failing to Equip
I am blessed to have three wonderfully amazing sons. My boys! I
truly don’t know what I did to deserve such great kids. They are a
living example of God’s grace and favor over me. However, I have done
all that is necessary to screw them up.
This morning my husband and I were discussing our first born. He will be 16 in a mere 28 sleeps. And unfortunately, we have done a poor job preparing him for the future and for his real life.
We are by no means a wealthy family, but we have always made sure our kids have everything they need, and most everything they want. And now I look up into the eyes of this young man and know that he has no work ethic, no follow through, and no money or time management skills because of the decisions his dad and I have made. We have failed to equip him to be an adult.
I can promise you we absolutely never intended for this to happen. We thought we were providing for him. We loved giving him all that we could. And he is a grateful child. He never expects from us, which makes it all the more easy to just give to him.
Let me tell you about him. He is loves and is very protective of his family. He loves the Lord. He plays with his seven year old brother with out being asked. He never gets in trouble at school (unless he doesn’t do his Algebra homework). He is polite. He is helpful. He has dyslexia, ADD, anxiety, and Juvenile Arthritis and still has an A-B average in school and is on swim team. He is at church every Sunday leading Kindergarten and 1st graders in worship and teaching their small groups. And he wants to be a youth pastor when he grows up.
We want to see all his dreams come true! And there in lies the challenge. How do we help him develop the character traits and skills it takes to succeed in the less than three years we have left with him under our roof?
You see, in addition to all those wonderful things about him are things that will hold him back. He likes to come home after school and put his feet up and watch videos and play games till dinner. Then he will return to the videos and games until its time to shower and go to bed. He will help around the house, but has to be asked to. And when the task takes longer than five minutes he has an excuse and disappears. He does well in school, but is ok with just scooting by and doing things at the last minute.
But what is going to happen when we aren’t there? Will his room ever get cleaned if no one is there to ask him to clean it? Will the dish washer ever get unloaded or reloaded? Will his laundry ever get done? Will he do his homework if no one is there to ask if he has done it? Will he go to work when he is “so tired” or will he call in sick? And money… we just have to leave that subject for another post.
We know things have to change, for the future that he deserves to happen. But how do you instill the desire to “push” yourself in someone? My second son has it. He was raised in the same house by the same parents and is so very different.
So, now that we are willing to admit we have created a problem, what are we going to do to fix it you ask? Well, we are addressing each of our concerns and giving him assignments to help him work on changing those habits that need to be fixed.
To help with work ethic and follow through, we have given him assignments that he will work all the way thorough, that in the end he will have new skills that he can take to the workplace. To help time management and scheduling, we have put due dates on when we want to see progress in these new skills. We are working with him on several different assignments regarding money management. That’s a biggie that I still haven’t fully mastered!
The follow through on our end is going to be a big part of his success. We have to help him see the next few years of school, mastering these new skills and maintaining is involvement in activities as his job. And we have to do our job in managing him.
This parenting thing isn’t easy. And even if you are raising good people, there are still a lot of characteristics that they need to be productive, good people.
This morning my husband and I were discussing our first born. He will be 16 in a mere 28 sleeps. And unfortunately, we have done a poor job preparing him for the future and for his real life.
We are by no means a wealthy family, but we have always made sure our kids have everything they need, and most everything they want. And now I look up into the eyes of this young man and know that he has no work ethic, no follow through, and no money or time management skills because of the decisions his dad and I have made. We have failed to equip him to be an adult.
I can promise you we absolutely never intended for this to happen. We thought we were providing for him. We loved giving him all that we could. And he is a grateful child. He never expects from us, which makes it all the more easy to just give to him.
Let me tell you about him. He is loves and is very protective of his family. He loves the Lord. He plays with his seven year old brother with out being asked. He never gets in trouble at school (unless he doesn’t do his Algebra homework). He is polite. He is helpful. He has dyslexia, ADD, anxiety, and Juvenile Arthritis and still has an A-B average in school and is on swim team. He is at church every Sunday leading Kindergarten and 1st graders in worship and teaching their small groups. And he wants to be a youth pastor when he grows up.
We want to see all his dreams come true! And there in lies the challenge. How do we help him develop the character traits and skills it takes to succeed in the less than three years we have left with him under our roof?
You see, in addition to all those wonderful things about him are things that will hold him back. He likes to come home after school and put his feet up and watch videos and play games till dinner. Then he will return to the videos and games until its time to shower and go to bed. He will help around the house, but has to be asked to. And when the task takes longer than five minutes he has an excuse and disappears. He does well in school, but is ok with just scooting by and doing things at the last minute.
But what is going to happen when we aren’t there? Will his room ever get cleaned if no one is there to ask him to clean it? Will the dish washer ever get unloaded or reloaded? Will his laundry ever get done? Will he do his homework if no one is there to ask if he has done it? Will he go to work when he is “so tired” or will he call in sick? And money… we just have to leave that subject for another post.
We know things have to change, for the future that he deserves to happen. But how do you instill the desire to “push” yourself in someone? My second son has it. He was raised in the same house by the same parents and is so very different.
So, now that we are willing to admit we have created a problem, what are we going to do to fix it you ask? Well, we are addressing each of our concerns and giving him assignments to help him work on changing those habits that need to be fixed.
To help with work ethic and follow through, we have given him assignments that he will work all the way thorough, that in the end he will have new skills that he can take to the workplace. To help time management and scheduling, we have put due dates on when we want to see progress in these new skills. We are working with him on several different assignments regarding money management. That’s a biggie that I still haven’t fully mastered!
The follow through on our end is going to be a big part of his success. We have to help him see the next few years of school, mastering these new skills and maintaining is involvement in activities as his job. And we have to do our job in managing him.
This parenting thing isn’t easy. And even if you are raising good people, there are still a lot of characteristics that they need to be productive, good people.
Friday, October 30, 2015
Conversations With Mom - Save your stuff
As I have mentioned before, I have 3 boy children. I realize that being a mom to boys has shaped my life and who I am in many ways. I know that if I had given birth to even one girl, I would be a different person in some ways.
One of my favorite things is taking my boys to school. My husband and I switch taking them according to our schedules, but I LOVE my days to take them because of the conversations we have. I don't know if it is because we have a captive audience, or because we are all just a bit more candid at 8am. You can ask any of them, I have no filter at any time of the day, so maybe they are more candid? Whatever the reason, our morning conversations are some of the most true - authentic - conversations of the day.
This morning, I happened to say to my 9th grader, "I got an email that y'all are having a sex and health talk in a few days." He said, "oh, yeah, I got that email too." About that time, my 10th grader chimed in and said, "We just had an STD talk that came with pictures." As you can imagine, this opened a door that I had to walk through!
-Now I understand that we all have our different opinions on what and when or if this stuff should be taught in school. We are all entitled to our opinions. You don't have to agree with mine and I don't have to agree with yours, but we can respect each other enough to have our own. -
I asked if any of the pictures were of mouths and how nasty that can be. My 10th grader say "Yes! It was so nasty! It was disturbing!" To which I responded, "you can not be too careful about where you put your stuff! You boys need to keep your stuff clean and unused, and look for clean, saved stuff when you look for a woman to spend your life with. You can't expect to be given new stuff if your stuff is rotten." They both agreed that they don't want rotten stuff. And, if their stuff is dirty, it's not right think it's ok to dirty up someone elses stuff. And the only way to absolutely keep their stuff clean is to SAVE THEIR STUFF!
We always seem to end up laughing at the end of conversations that have serious content. It is really important for them to understand that it is serious, but that they are loved and they know what our family values are on the subject. We usually title the conversation, like "Conversations with Mom - Save your stuff" When I let them out of the car, I released them with the main idea of the day being "Save your stuff for stuff that has been saved."
Don't judge. The terminology was way wrong, but they got the point, and the point is what matters.
One of my favorite things is taking my boys to school. My husband and I switch taking them according to our schedules, but I LOVE my days to take them because of the conversations we have. I don't know if it is because we have a captive audience, or because we are all just a bit more candid at 8am. You can ask any of them, I have no filter at any time of the day, so maybe they are more candid? Whatever the reason, our morning conversations are some of the most true - authentic - conversations of the day.
This morning, I happened to say to my 9th grader, "I got an email that y'all are having a sex and health talk in a few days." He said, "oh, yeah, I got that email too." About that time, my 10th grader chimed in and said, "We just had an STD talk that came with pictures." As you can imagine, this opened a door that I had to walk through!
-Now I understand that we all have our different opinions on what and when or if this stuff should be taught in school. We are all entitled to our opinions. You don't have to agree with mine and I don't have to agree with yours, but we can respect each other enough to have our own. -
I asked if any of the pictures were of mouths and how nasty that can be. My 10th grader say "Yes! It was so nasty! It was disturbing!" To which I responded, "you can not be too careful about where you put your stuff! You boys need to keep your stuff clean and unused, and look for clean, saved stuff when you look for a woman to spend your life with. You can't expect to be given new stuff if your stuff is rotten." They both agreed that they don't want rotten stuff. And, if their stuff is dirty, it's not right think it's ok to dirty up someone elses stuff. And the only way to absolutely keep their stuff clean is to SAVE THEIR STUFF!
We always seem to end up laughing at the end of conversations that have serious content. It is really important for them to understand that it is serious, but that they are loved and they know what our family values are on the subject. We usually title the conversation, like "Conversations with Mom - Save your stuff" When I let them out of the car, I released them with the main idea of the day being "Save your stuff for stuff that has been saved."
Don't judge. The terminology was way wrong, but they got the point, and the point is what matters.
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
The root of it
This is how it started. For Christmas of 2009, Mark got the boys dirt bikes. I had been every kind of mom out there ...Baseball ...Football... Basketball... Karate... Golf... Swim... Archery... and probably a couple more that I can't even remember at the moment. Dang how I love those kids!!! I would do anything for them. And now I had become Dirt Bike Mom.
It wasn't long before I started doing things I had never done before. And it was FUN! I have always enjoyed being in the minority. And to be honest, I would say being a mom on duty at the track was still in the minority. But I was learning how to do it all. Mark worked so much that it seemed that the kids would never ride if they had to wait on him. Before I knew it me and my 9 and 10 year old, with the 2 year old in tow, were loading bikes in the trailer and heading out.
I remember at one point, the younger one could never remember how to start his bike, so under his contact in my phone I had a notes section that told us step-by-step what to do to start that thing. And I have done it in flip flops. I have done it in shoes that slipped off, and with so much force that I fractured my shin.
When I started pulling the trailer I was awful! I was backing up and so bad that the trail kind of jack knifed and the edge of it cut a whole in my bumper. But, I got good at it. Now, I could rival any man backing that thing up.
I remember one time I had the older two on the track and the little guy was in the truck with the window mostly down. I was helping one of the older boys and heard this horrible cry from the younger one. I turned around and he was on the ground. He had fallen out of the window on to the ground. I have no idea how he landed. Could have been on his head for all I know. He cried and I held him and then the was fine. Thank God!
It wasn't long till I went shopping for a shirt, hat, hoodie, ANYTHING that said "Dirt Bike Mom" and there wasn't anything to be had. I was really kind of sad. I am a cheerleader by nature. I had to have something to cheer on my boys and let the world know how proud I am of them. Yet I couldn't find squat.
During the holiday season of 2010 I bought a tee shirt that said "I'm just like you, only prettier" just like the Miranda Lambert song. Jokingly I told my sister, on dirt bike day's it was more like "dirtier." And with that the tee shirt idea was born.
The more I thought about my desire for some Dirt Bike Mom gear, the more I knew there were other mom's who felt the same way. But I was a busy mom. At that time I had been through that remains to be the worst year of my entire life. Just so many horrible things were going, and had gone on. I put the idea on the shelf for a while and just tried to do life for the time being.
Then, when I got back on my feet, when I felt a bit of stability returning to life I started toying with just making some tees. It was a slow process, but I wasn't in a hurry. I didn't then, and still don't, view this as a job, or even an income stream. That's why our prices are so low. It's not about making money. It's to provide mom's a way to say to the world "I'm a proud dirt bike mom!" When I put on my tee or hoodie, my boys beam with excitement. They know I am proud of them, cause I am proclaiming to all of my world to see that my kids ride dirt bikes.
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
What direction
Today, my baby turned 5. I am 42 and he is 5. No, he was not planned. He was a surprise. A huge blessing, but a Major Surprise. In fact, that is his name... Major Surprise. Ok, not really. His first name is Major. Anyway, I have always felt like he was my last shot at getting it right. That's not to say that my other two boys aren't fabulous. The are wonderful works of God's love and grace. I could not ask for two better young men to have the pleasure of raising and calling my sons. But I am a different mom with Major than I was with the other two.So, that got me to thinking, what direction will he go? What sports will he prefer? What subjects will he like or not like? Will he prefer blondes or brunettes? You know, all that stuff. And it comes down to what direction am I going to lead him in? With the other two I wanted a baseball player. I love to watch the kids play baseball. And what did I end up with? I have a swimmer and a football playing motocrosser. But I let them try EVERYTHING! Baseball, Basketball, Flag Football, Swim Team, Karate, Golf, Archery, Guitar. It seemed like every time the wind blew we were buying new something for this or for that.
But with Major, if I put him in Spring Baseball and Fall Baseball will I finally have my baseball player? If I put him on a dirt bike every time his brother and dad get on one, will have a Trey Canard? And at what point can I be sure he loves it and it's not just about me. That is why we let the other two do whatever they wanted, so it could be about them and not us. As kids, are they qualified, or even capable of making those decisions on their own?
This I do know, having a baby at 28 and having a baby at 37 make me a different mom for all of them. But having that additional time of being a mom makes me no more wiser on which path to lead them. However, I also know, that all that ultimately matters is that I have raised them all to walk with God and follow His direction for their lives.
Blessings
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
My First Solo Ride
On March 15th I turned 42. I have done just about everything I've ever wanted to do. Gone just about everywhere I've ever wanted to go. I have had a good, blessed life. But one thing I had not done was ride a dirt bike solo. I've been on the back of my husband's bike with him driving, and I've spent a lot of time on quads. But on a two wheel moto machine, I had not taken the leap.
We were spending Spring Break with my husband's family, who has property in North Louisiana. We had taken all the bikes, and for my birthday, I wanted to ride a dirt bike by myself. My son has an 85 and my husband has a 125, so I went with my son's. They gave me enough direction to make me kind of scared, not that I wasn't already very scared on my own. Then, my husband sat behind me and we rode about 50 feet and he jumped off. And I went. Not too far, but far enough for my first time.
I can't express to you the feelings of mixed emotions I had during that ride. It was like "wow, I'm finally doing it." With, "Oh Yeah! I'm doing it" and some "What in the hell am I doing?" and finally, "Woo Hoo! I did it!" When I got off the bike I cried. Relieved I didn't break a hip. Proud I had tried something new.
So, now I share my first EVER solo ride with you. Please notice the posture as I ride by the camera. And the three most wonderful little boys who run to me at the end. It's ok to laugh, I still laugh every time I watch it.
Blessings.
We were spending Spring Break with my husband's family, who has property in North Louisiana. We had taken all the bikes, and for my birthday, I wanted to ride a dirt bike by myself. My son has an 85 and my husband has a 125, so I went with my son's. They gave me enough direction to make me kind of scared, not that I wasn't already very scared on my own. Then, my husband sat behind me and we rode about 50 feet and he jumped off. And I went. Not too far, but far enough for my first time.
I can't express to you the feelings of mixed emotions I had during that ride. It was like "wow, I'm finally doing it." With, "Oh Yeah! I'm doing it" and some "What in the hell am I doing?" and finally, "Woo Hoo! I did it!" When I got off the bike I cried. Relieved I didn't break a hip. Proud I had tried something new.
So, now I share my first EVER solo ride with you. Please notice the posture as I ride by the camera. And the three most wonderful little boys who run to me at the end. It's ok to laugh, I still laugh every time I watch it.
Blessings.
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